20030427,
22:41

remember when i said the ibook's flaw is that it runs on mac?

i've found the pentium versh. heh


this is the only decent enough looking pic of it ive found so far...

so anyways here's the review i snagged off pcmag.com:

Remember the sense of freedom and convenience you experienced the first time you burned a music or data CD on your laptop? Now you can do the same with DVDs. The Toshiba Satellite 5205-S703 ($2,700 street), lets you burn video and data to a notebook DVD drive.

This Satellite is a big, gorgeous, do-everything multimedia portable with an optical-drive bay that holds a Toshiba SD-R6012 DVD-R/RW drive, meaning that this laptop can play and, depending on the media, write and rewrite to CDs and DVDs. There's actually very little you can't do with this machine—except speak the full name quickly.

To reduce the 8.0-pound system weight (9.0 with AC adapter) and the size of the 1.8- by 13.1- by 11.6-inch box, Toshiba would have had to sacrifice the large screen. Instead, the company opted to make the system attractive, with translucent blue keys and a case done up in metallic blue, silver, and gray. Inside is the equivalent of state-of-the-art desktop PC technology a year ago—a 2-GHz Pentium 4-M processor, a 60GB hard drive, 512MB of system memory, 64MB of DDR video memory for the nVidia GeForce4 Go graphics chip set, a FireWire (IEEE 1394) port, three USB 2.0 ports, an integrated modem, and built-in wired and wireless Ethernet. But unlike this Satellite, a year-old desktop PC wouldn't have high-speed (480-Mbps) USB or a dedicated SD card slot that lets Toshiba fall back to one PC Card slot instead of two.

First and foremost, this is a multimedia machine. The 15-inch color 1,600-by-1,200 UXGA LCD uses Toshiba's Personal Theatre technology, so you don't have to be directly in line with the display for good color fidelity. The front of the system has CD/DVD controls that you can access with the lid closed. And for times when you are happily ensconced on the sofa watching Casablanca , and getting up to adjust the volume is too much effort, there's even a 21-button remote the size of a credit card.

The idea of the Satellite as a personal home theater isn't all that absurd: You get pretty fair dorm-room-filling (if not living-room-filling) sound from the three integrated Harman Kardon speakers, one of which is a tiny subwoofer that adds a bit of oomph to lower frequencies. And for a bigger picture, you can output the image to a TV using the included TV- and audio-out jacks.

Our test model came with the oddball, but useful, cPad touch pad. A pointing stick is optional. The touch pad, which has a monochrome display under it, lets you tap on menus, create a calculator, and view a calendar. You can order the same unit with Microsoft Windows XP Pro for another $100; just specify that you want the Toshiba Satellite 5205-S704. System performance is decent—roughly equal to that of a year-old 2-GHz desktop. And although you won't be doing a lot of computing on airplane tray tables, knowing that battery life is more than passable—3 hours, 14 minutes on our BatteryMark rundown test—is comforting.

The Satellite comes with a handful of applications: Microsoft Works, a barebones version of Quicken, and Panasonic's MotionDV Studio for video capture and editing. The comparable Sony VAIO PCG-GRX670 with DVD-R/W drive (stay tuned for an upcoming review), offers a bit more in the video editing department, though the two systems are otherwise pretty closely matched. Sony's laptop has a bigger screen, but the Satellite has the cool remote, a bigger hard drive, and better battery life. The two perform equally well. If you're in the market for a luggable notebook with enough features to justify its 8 pounds of road-hugging weight, the Toshiba Satellite 5205-S703 is about as good as it gets.



Toshiba Satellite 5205-S503
5205-S703
Micro Express NP1124A
IBM ThinkPad R40

how did it come to this?



20:59

so im back after all. not that i really want to. was bout to settle at home alone with bread and peanut butter. then i realised my mama didnt leave money on the table for me...as we have agreed. so anyways here i am.
feels horrible to be here. just being here in this house...makes me feel..................................corrupt. rotten. sour. bitter. whatever i dont feel at home. alone. am waiting for the pics from malaysia to reach me. dont tink im gonna be here much next week...unless some sudden and violent urge to get caught in the cross-fire of the family strikes me.

so im gonna get whatever i have been thinking of done right now and get the hell outta there. here i mean. urgh.

how did it come to this?



20030424,
19:28

seemed like an eternity since i last came back here. went back to school and malasia along the way. got banned from my grandma's cuz of the trip. the whole thing stinks. like i wanna go back there. anyways tis considered gd coz my mama's contemplating whether to buy me a com(yay!). the whole ban thing was horrid at first, but now 4 days into it, i kinda dont wanna go back there again. going there at the risk of my sanity is just, well, not worth it.(by the way im not at my grandma's). at least i have my ps2. hah.

my attitude towards this whole ban thing is kinda summarative of my mood these days. have been feeling a strang detachment from the rest of the outside world these couple of days. stranger thing's that i dont really care. i seem to be turning into a robot-like creature. which brings to the the dream i just had. dreamt of a world where almost everyone's a robot. dreamt of fake body parts and mechanised humans. wierd.

guess i wont be coming back for a while. oh well.

how did it come to this?



20030417,
20:05

well...
jieying came back from her long break yesterday. well kinda. she came back only to be sent home after that, which was kinda sad. its beginning to seem like i dont bother about studying anymore - i just can't make myself do it. no motivation, no nothing. even the thought of the coming exams dont faze me.
been worrying bout my trip to malaysia though. was looking forward to it, until the darn declaration thing came about. yeah and sars too. but a weekend of the sun and the beach....? oh man. looks like i didnt really have to agonise to much over it. kinda still looking for my passport, which my auntie so conviniently kept locked( did i mention she's paranoid?)...so hoping she'll get back soon.
school's just...a drag. been drifting in and out of lessons. even maths, which i so vowed i would pay attention at. nara was being plain himself again. miss the days i dont have to see him already. he's not that bad actually - i mean i cannot imagine myself in mrs lai's class - but, i just...guess i can't stand him.
social life's been pretty dull these couple of days. perhaps it's the whole going home after school thing. marie's been pretty curt to me this few days. wonder if its our lack of contact these weeks...or something else. guess i'll just hafta grit my teeth and move on - it is the end of the week anyway. it also seems like there's something of a gap between me and the four - though i dont understand why. it's the whole distance thing. ah nevermind, im sure im not being understood.

how did it come to this?



19:52

Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behavior.

You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the 'right person' - you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.

Although you are, deep down, a very caring person, you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict - conflict with even those you may care for and love. It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams.

You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.

The need for admiration and to be regarded as 'someone special' is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognized as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfill this 'complex' by ensuring you are the center of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be.

- colorgenics mood analysis test

Your Mood: You feel quite determined at the moment or as others might say stubborn! You feel resolute and want things done your way. You want to exert your will and are prepared to put in the necessary energy.Focus and determined describes your present mood. You are out to achieve your goal and you concentrate on that. Unwavering you want to stick to the target of your ambitions, not completely to the exclusion of everything else, but almost!

Your Present Situation: You really need to take time out at the moment, your life is proving tiring and you seem to need to be on the lookout at all times. There is a real danger of wasting your energy, seek out someone who can help you to calm down and relax. You could do worse than take a romantic weekend break to help you revitalize yourself.Your current situation is causing you a great deal of angst. Somehow you have become over-involved in something that is leading to feelings of stress and doubt. You are at risk of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

Your Conflicts: You have no conflicts at the present time

- colorgenics pyschological analysis


how did it come to this?



20030415,
21:44

losing my grip on reality

how did it come to this?



20030414,
19:17



how did it come to this?



19:16

so much sadness in the world...

iraq's war with the states is causing more casualties by the minute, sars outbreak sweeping over the world is killing many in its wake....

my neighbor's soon-to-be blindness. the abuse of another's wife. the quarrels of a family.

for the longest of time, my grandmother and her family was part of my family. not just people we visit sometimes, but a people we live with. even more so family than my mother is to me. now i see this family starting to break, by the mere appearence of my good-for-nothing uncle. my grandparents can't stand each other's guts, my uncle is just a bum, and my auntie's literally going crazy. favorite pastime of theirs? fight. and scream. and argue. im surprised there aint any real fights breaking out. yet.

i think the whole world's crazy and its dragging me under with them.


how did it come to this?



20030412,
13:43

feeeling tired after waking early today, apparently for nothing. was supposed to go gym today, but somehow got cancelled. so am stuck here now, in front of the computer again. been feeling rather lazy and putting off writing in this blog, as most of my time has been spent trying to win ed in aoe. but failing miserably that is.
kinda dreading going back to school. the thought of rama's face bring convulsions to mi stomach. i think it's just me, but the more i think of her the more she begins to look like an alien. seriously wierd shit.
am now having to endure screams from my boisterous cousins, which is horrid, considering the time i woke today.

shall come back perhaps a 'lil later.
gone to play aoe again, for now.
ciao
xxx

ps:i should start worrying bout homework.

how did it come to this?



13:35

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how did it come to this?



20030409,
19:08

watched a disappointing match between real and man utd tis morning. until a whopping time of 5. man, to see man utd lose? not worth it man. it wasn't even that exciting a match( ok, there's a certain excitement to it but...). ronaldo wasn't in his form, gary neville seemed pissed at every small little hitch, butt keeps passing the ball to the opponents, and worse still, beckham was wearing a hairband. and his hair was sticking out in places. we're talking bout beckham here people. beckham! world famous for his i-play-ball-but-am-still-clean-and-model-like look, and he has hair here and dere not tamed down. such shock.
i guess somewhere deep down inside i knew that man utd was gonna lose. they were away after all, and madrid is indeed a superstar team - with a lineup consisting of big names like zidane, ronaldo, figo, raul, casillas(!!), roberto carlos. even the captain looks kinda familiar. anyways there's gonna be another match, so we shall see what happens next.
another thing i knew deep inside was that there was bound to be people - lots of them, forsaking precious hours of sleep for this match. only yesterday night alone in the living room, this fact seemed sooo... surreal.
haa.

how did it come to this?



18:54

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how did it come to this?



18:44

oh well. another day of doing nothing at home. i know this break from society is good; it gives me a chance to catch up with myself and all, but somehow it doesn't feel too good. i don't know why, just a feeling. anyways shouldn't feel all that bad for myself - boredom's pratically my middle name.

how did it come to this?



20030408,
21:15


You are a Day Dreamer..
Daydreamers tend to be away from the normal, and
have a deeper aspect when looking at things.
Most of the time, thier outcasts of the social
society, but don't worry. It just means your so
deep it scares thier simple little brains.


What kind of Dreamer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

how did it come to this?



20030407,
23:03

feeling kinda tired from all the exercise i've been doing this morning. almost completed my 2.4 but fell off the treadmill at 2k. man that sucks. did 2k with a time of 12.45, which is pretty good, considering my lack of exercise. did weight lifting and leg training(??) as well. feelin, kinda sore. hee. went for pizza hut's at compass pt for lunch. again. not to say it wasn't good. great actually. kinda cheap too(the cost of bout one burger king meal).

the guys came to my house for streeet hoops after that. with the exeption of the gals. which got mi mother kinda surprised. haha. yeeleng canceled out on us cause she was tired, and marg just, well, disappeared.

im now officially addicted to hoops. and pizza. and strenous workouts(more gym!!!!). heh

shall go back to mi empire building. another thing i got addicted to. aoe!!

how did it come to this?



20030406,
23:57

initially, i was sooo not lookin forward to this whole break thing. now 9 days into it, im kinda beginning to enjoy the life of not doing anything at all.

went pool playing yesterday. was fun, though it was slightly crowded there. *worried* heh.
went for dinner with yl, ning, marg and ed. bought games, one of which was street hoops, some kinda basketball game. which i totally don't know how to play. so now they say they're gonna come my house and play. hmmz..
goin for gym tml morning. morning!!! man, i hope i'll not get cranky.

things to bring:
towel......check
shorts.....check

wow, don't hafta bring much actually. *surprised* haha



beginning to feel up ass shape up already.


how did it come to this?



20030405,
23:37

||||| |||



haiz


how did it come to this?



20030402,
19:31

Jack the Ripper

"Jack the Ripper" is the popular name given to a serial killer who killed a number of prostitutes in the East End of London in 1888. The name originates from a letter written by someone who claimed to be the killer published at the time of the murders. The killings took place within a mile area and involved the districts of Whitechapel, Spitalfields, Aldgate, and the City of London proper. He was also called the Whitechapel Murderer and "Leather Apron."

The Victims

It is unclear just how many women the Ripper killed. It is generally accepted that he killed five, though some have written that he murdered only four while others say seven or more. The public, press, and even many junior police officers believed that the Ripper was responsible for nine slayings. The five that are generally accepted as the work of the Ripper are:


Mary Ann (Polly) Nichols, murdered Friday, August 31, 1888.
Annie Chapman, murdered Saturday, September 8, 1888.
Elizabeth Stride, murdered Sunday, September 30, 1888.
Catharine Eddowes, also murdered that same date.
Mary Jane (Marie Jeanette) Kelly, murdered Friday, November 9, 1888.
Besides these five there are good reasons to believe that the first victim was really Martha Tabram who was murdered Tuesday, August 7, 1888, and there are important considerations for questioning whether Stride was a Ripper victim. As to the actual number of women that the Ripper killed, Philip Sugden wrote in his excellent book, The Complete History of Jack the Ripper, "There is no simple answer. In a sentence: at least four, probably six, just possibly eight."

All five of these listed plus Tabram were prostitutes and were killed between early August and early November 1888. All but Tabram and Kelly were killed outdoors and there is no evidence to suggest that any of them knew each other. They varied in both age and appearance. Most were drunk or thought to be drunk at the time they were killed.

Modus Operandi

Surprisingly, a full understanding of the Ripper's modus operandi was not established until several years ago. The Whitechapel murderer and his victim stood facing each other. When she lifted her skirts, the victim's hands were occupied and was then defenseless. The Ripper seized the women by their throats and strangled them until they were unconscious if not dead. The autopsies constantly revealed clear indications that the victims had been strangled. In the past some writers believed that the Ripper struck from behind when the victims were bent forward, their skirts hiked up their backsides while waiting to engage in anal sex. This is a very awkward arrangement and the risk that they may scream or elude his clutch's make this unacceptable. The Ripper then lowered his victims to the ground, their heads to his left. This has been proven by the position of the bodies in relation to walls and fences that show that there was virtually no room for the murderer to attack the body from the left side. No bruising on the back of the heads shows that he lowered the bodies to the ground rather than throwing or letting them fall. Given the inclement weather and filth in the streets it is unacceptable that the prostitutes or their client would have attempted intercourse on the ground. He cut the throats when the women were on the ground. Splatter stains show that the blood pooled beside or under the neck and head of the victim rather than the front which is where the blood would flow if they had been standing up. In one case blood was found on the fence some 14 inches or so from the ground and opposite the neck wound and this shows that the blood spurted from the body while in the prone position on the ground. This method also prevented the killer from being unduly blood stained. By reaching over from the victim's right side to cut the left side of her throat, the blood flow would have been directed away from him, which would have reduced the amount of blood in which he would have been exposed. If the victim was already dead before their throats were cut, then the blood spilt would have not been very much. With the heart no longer beating the blood would not have been "pressurized," so only the blood in the immediate area of the wound would have evacuated gently from the cuts. The Ripper then made his other mutilations, still from the victim's right side, or possibly while straddling over the body at or near the feet. In several cases the legs had been pushed up which would have shortened the distance between the abdomen and the feet. No sign of intercourse was ever detected nor did the Ripper masturbate over the bodies. Usually he took a piece of the victim's viscera. The taking of a "trophy" is a common practice by modern sexual serial killers. In the opinion of most of the surgeons who examined the bodies, most believed that the killer had to have some degree of anatomical knowledge to do what he did. In one case he removed a kidney from the front rather than from the side, and did not damage any of the surrounding organs while doing so. In another case he removed the sexual organs with one clean stroke of the knife. Given the time circumstances of the crimes (outside, often in near total darkness, keeping one eye out for the approach of others, and under extremely tight time constraints), the Ripper almost certainly would have had some experience in using his knife.


how did it come to this?



18:34

Hopelessly Devoted to You
Olivia Newton John

Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
I’m not the first to know
There’s just no getting over you


I know I’m just a fool who’s willing
to sit around and wait for you
But, baby can’t you see
there’s nothing else for me to do
I’m hopelessly devoted to you


But now, there’s nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I’m not in my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you


My head is saying fool forget him
My heart is saying don’t let go
hold on to the end
That’s what I intend to do
I’m hopelessly devoted to you


But now, there’s nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I’m not in my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you




how did it come to this?



15:18

5 days and couting... ... ..... .....

||||

how did it come to this?



20030401,
17:40

god i think i'm going mad going mad im mad going mad gomadmadgoingmadmadmadgonegone goine.
argh.

been suffering from a splitting headache since i got woken up by the horrible drilling which lasted all til just now. which woke me up from a strange dream bout various strange guys. strange in that i have no idea why they are there in my dream at all. like sze loong. or ming thiong. or eugene. or hansheng(who?).
and on top of that, suffered from a bout of insomnia which lasted till about 7 in the morning. and to round it all up, sleep came to me at last in a miserably thin shroud - half of me wasn't even sleeping.


do i sound comprehensible? doubt it really. shall come back again when i feel better

how did it come to this?



15:42

Whisper
Evanescence

catch me as i fall
say you're here and it's all over now
speaking to the atmosphere
no one's here and i fall into myself
this truth drives me into madness
i know i can stop the pain if i will it all away

don't turn away
don't give in to the pain
don't try to hide
though they're screaming your name
don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don't turn out the light
never sleep never die

i'm frightened by what i see
but somehow i know that there's much more to come
immobilized by my fear
and soon to be blinded by tears
i can stop the pain if i will it all away

don't turn away
don't give in to the pain
don't try to hide
though they're screaming your name
don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don't turn out the light
never sleep never die

fallen angels at my feet
whispered voices at my ear
death before my eyes
lying next to me i fear
she beckons me shall i give in
upon my end shall i begin
forsaking all i've fallen for i rise to meet the end

how did it come to this?








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