how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
"this is my baby. i love him/her to bits. i hope we can be together forever and ever."
argh it makes me sick. i make me sick. i love him. i love her. i love me. i love them. what does love really mean?
nothing. nothing at all.
love is pain. love is hurt.
love is evasion.
love is all the horror stories you never heard.
love is a guy loving a girl and the girl loving him back. what crap.
love is getting what you want.
im not getting what i want.
i dont want pain. i dont want hurt
i dont want to be evaded.
i dont like horror stories in my life.
i dont love a guy and no guys love me.
so there.
love is a big piece of mouldy cake that has stayed in the fridge for too long just because you cant bear to throw it out.
get the fuck off my back.
right now i dont even love myself.
My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?
ive been doing alotta thinking lately.
i think my uncle really, truly is and unfeeling, ungrateful bastard.
i also think he's like that because he doesnt let people love him.
i think my family is dysfunctional.
i think im too loud.
i think my future in netball is really bleak.
i think nobody really listens to what i say.
i think everybody never listens to what other people say.
i think i need to let go.
i think i care too much.
i think im losing it.
i think im giving up.
i think i get too easily annoyed.
i think that, with the world as chaotic as it already is, me trying to add my 2 cents worth will be too much for myself to bear. so i should just shut up.
oh my gawd i saw this random quote and it made so much sense even though i couldnt understand it!
here it goes:
"i have found the paradox that if i love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love."
havent been at the mood to write here lately. days have been so bloody packed! anyway i just thought i'd put this down somewhere so i wont forget it. jessica was so damn funny today!!! i think the entire canteen was laughing. she erm..kinda lived to her name as a merlion and kinda toppled over somewhere. gosh i can laugh bout it for days.
newsworthy stuff:
-netball carnival tomorrow! my knee's kinda hurtin so..hope nothin will happen tomorrow.
-im donating blood on mon! they say u'll get fatter after it so if u see mi one day and almost cant recognise me..yep tts what happened
-meetin jac n co next week! dunno when..just sometime. ITS A MUST!
-im not going to school on tues/wed! hurhur..ok tts not news but..i thought i'll take a little rest after not having it on sunday. or saturday.
other(bad news):
-my uncle is BACK. god help me.
i dont really know what's going on with me anymore.
feeling kinda happy(i guess) today. saw my obsession 3 times!! 3! normally once would be like..so damn hard already but 3 times! gosh that was great.
then there was the so near yet so far feeling that..wasnt that great.
been stoning all day today. tried taking a nap but i just couldnt sleep. tried studying too but...dont think any actual studying was done. heck i dont even know what exactly i did. so i guess im just gonna give up.
i'd rather be dreaming.
FUCK my mother. i bloody HATE her. she can never leave me in peace. why is it other people's families are so different from mine? why is it my family cant be like theirs?
bloody bitch. the whole world is bout her. how she's in pain, how she's suffering, how she's miserable. what about ME? me, your daughter in case you've forgotten? how about how im in pain, how im suffering, how im so bloody fucking miserable?
i try so bloody hard to be nice to her, i try so frickin hard and in the end people still see me as this bloodless infillial piece of shit. because she's been feeding all of them lies. bloody fucking lies. i NEVER said all of those things they think i've said. but what's the use? nobody believes me. nobody ever does.
always complaining. she can never be satisfied. i'm always too loud, too soft, too harsh, too nice, too bloody imperfect. y dont she just get a robot for a daughter instead?
she's always running away from the things that matter. like being there for me. like being nice to me. always doing the things that dont with vigour. like cooking. she's always cooking. she's also always complaining about HER life. see? its always about her. only her.
her life's a sob story yada yada yada. oh wait, so is mine. mine is one cause of her. so it kinda links up huh? i dont fucking wanna know how she feels like hell or how she wants to kill herself/me/everybody else whenever we fight. this is not days of our lives. we dont need all the melodrama. why dont she just fucking grow up? we do not fight so i can hear what she has to say(and always repeat) about her miserable life. we fight because we dont agree on something. so just get the fuck out and fight over that. only.
fuck her and her excuses. im so bloody sick of it. im so tired of being always the one to be blamed. im so fucking tired of being viewed upon like some fuckin deliquent. fuck her and her lies.
im not a heartless bitch.
01. Your name? daphne
02. Hobbies? eat! sleep! drink! play!
03. Gender? female
04. Primary school? jsps
05. level: J1
06. Horoscope? leo
07. Secondary school? amkss
08. Address? amk
09. Email add? tank_girl@2die4.com
10. Hair: longish
11. Eye colour? black
12. Hair colour? black..
13. Right or left handed? right
14. Marital status? very single
15. Siblings? none
16. Last 5 digits of your mobile? 43258
17. When's your Birthday? 30/7
18. Do you have a Car? yeah. my cousin's toy ferrari. that count?
=====================
*Have you...*
21. Tried smoking? ugh
22. Drink alcohol? yeah
23. Been hurt emotionally? yeah
24. Kept a secret from anyone? course
25. Been on stage? yeah
=====================
*Favourites*
26. Color? purple! black! white!
27. Food? anything cept brinjals. or papayas.
28. Drinks? vanilla coke
29. Number? 13
30. Cartoons? adams family!
31. Sports? NETBALL! aha im a pretty sport gal so any i guess.
32. Song? mcfly - obviously
33. Movie? erm..so bloody many lar
34. Subject? lit
=================
*Right now*
36. Wearing?shorts and tee
37. Hairstyle? let down n unruly
38. Looking at? sg idol
39. Thinking of? y my life sucks
==================
*Do you believe in...*
41. Love? i guess..
42. Faith? no
43. Yourself? i think that's the only absolute thing i believe in
44. Ghosts? dun tink bout it
45. Angels? i will when i experience it
=====================
*In the last 24hrs...*
46. Worn jeans? nope
47. Cleaned your room? NO
48. Cried? NOooooooO
49. Met someone new? no
50. Last person I talk to on the phone? mom
=====================
*Love life*
51. Do you have a BF? no
52. Have a secret admirer? no
53. Do you wanna get married? Not really
54. Do you plan on having kids? NO
55. How old you wanna be when u get married? erm
56. How old you wanna be when you have your
first child? 155
57. How many kids do you want? ZERO
58. Would you have kids before marriage? no
59. Do you have a crush? argh. yes
60. What do you want most in a Relationship? just someone who understands me to pass my days with without judging me
=====================
*Either one*
61. Pink or Black? black
62. Kiss or hug? both! erm kiss?
63. Summer or winter? winter is beautiful but bloody cold. so i guess summer then.
64. Sunny or rainy? rainy
65. Chocolate or vanilla? chocolate!!
66. Hanging out or chilling? as long as its not doin it alone
67. Music or TV? ALL! but im more of a televisioholic
68. Hamburger or Pizza? pizza
69. Smile or Laughing? laugh laugh laugh!!
70. Sleeping or eating? sleep
71. Mc Donald's or KFC? neither.
72. Silver or gold? silver
73. Sunset or sunrise? sunset
74. On phone or in person? person
75. Diamonds or Pearls? diamonds..
my mother was talking about how a person can be poor but as long as he's healthy everything will end well. then she was saying how if one person in the family got sick everybody else would have to play a part - pay the bills, take care of chores yada yada yada. that got me thinking bout my uncle. how i would NEVER part with a cent of MY money if he ever got sick. he can rot and die in china, the states or whatever country he chooses. as long as its not here.
yep i hate him that much.
he's coming back.
which means i'll probably have to face him every damn day of my life.
which means i'll probably have to clean up after him.
which means i'll probably get rotten papayas in the fridge.
which means i'll probably go crazy one day and burn his room and get grounded or locked up for life.
why does he have to come back?
here of all places. he should just get a life.
argh.
