how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
how did it come to this?
not been here for a while. it's like i dont have the time to, but i do. really i do. study time has been officially replaced with do-anything-but-study time. oh well.
am now at fatz. didnt get as lost as i usually do when going to her house, though i got off one stop too late. walk was good for me.
had time to think about stuff on the looong bus ride there. its funny really, how people like thinking bout things past-tense. we tend towards the "good ole past" and wonder how things would have been if we did things "that way". oh well. some might say its nostalgic...romantic even to hold on to things that have happened waay back, but i say it's just another one of those cheating ways people do to deal with the unpleasantness in one's life now. isnt that true? think back and you might realise all the memories you like replaying in your head are fond ones, all the bad tucked somewhere in the deepest recessions of your brain. why live your life in the present if all you wanna do is relive the past? sad to say, but true. again..sad to say, but im guilty as charged as well. but who aint?
sorta reminds me of the show i watched yesterday and again today. it was bout 3 different women's lives in a day intertwined by a book. but then again, maybe they werent that different after all. they are all women stuck in a rut, in a place they didnt want but have to. its a impacting movie, though a tad hard to understand but anyways...
i leave today with a quote from virginia woolf, a character in the movie: "you cant live life by avoiding it"
so long,
xxx
looking back on my previous entry i realised i was in uber-depressed mode at time of entry. it seems my dominant mood these days - been falling in and out of depression. havent been having the mood to study too, all i do is get stuck in front of the tv. sometimes the shows i dont even watch - i end up spacing out and the night passes by so fast. i think maybe its because ive been having regular breakfast lately. i know what they say about having breakfast and all, but it really seems to be having a negative effect on me. shall try going back to my normal routine - even if it means getting hungry waaay before recess.
how much can one hope for when one is 16 and stuck in a place she doesnt even know how to describe? let's be realistic people, there isnt much. not even if you have the best family in the world there isnt. and this doesnt even stem from my brimming disbelief at the thought that families can work. go on, check the dictionary for the definition of "family" - A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children. OR
Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place. what nonsense.
but lets face it. there are happy families all around. so this myth is not so much a myth after all. i just dont - cant - understand how it works. why can people acheive it that i cant? is it so difficult? thoughts bubbling through one's head at such a time, one naturally seeks the easiest answer to which something must be wrong with one of us in the family in this case. but who likes to admit one's mistakes, no matter how grave?
coming back to my point, there is nothing much one can hope. after so many years of hopes and dreams you realise all comes to naught. perhaps all one can do is to ride with the wave, and arrange it that it doesnt strike you too hard. we dream too much, and this may very well be the downfall of humanity.
The Temperament Sorter
IDEALIST (NF)
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.
Idealists are rare, making up no more than 8 to 10 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.
The Four types of Idealists are:
Healers (INFP) | Counselors (INFJ) | Champions (ENFP) | Teachers (ENFJ)
haven been updating much. havent been feeling up to it really.
wednesday was sob-day for many of us in school that day. minus me that is. i just....oh well. got a miserable b3 for chinese 'o's. kinda was already expecting such results, but actually getting it and thinking about it is obviously different matters altogether eh? oral english 'o's came next. sucked at it - couldnt seem to speak properly (when was the last time i ever felt that nervous?). what pissed me the most was the fact that i never got nervous at oral exams...they're just lame and an absolute waste of time.
erin had a pretty rough day if i should say, being her birthday and all. but i say she took it rather well? ok i shant comment any further bout that. anyways we went to her house after that for a small birthday celebration. went straight after oral - that took away the problem of having to worry about getting there. basically just rotted and ate the whole night away.
made up for my lack of studying the past few days on thurs. wasnt that much still. but anyway.
friday was sheng's bday. was a night of first times for me. first time i sat in a lorry...first time i sat in a lorry while it rained..first time i went someplace reaaaal early..and so on and on.weather at east coast that day was a nice, after-the-rain kind of weather, though a tad too cold.
saturday was NOMAD - night of music and dance ala photo taking day. i mean...i doubt anyone was interested in what the actual concert was about - all they (me included) cared was phototaking and chomp chomp afterwards. except ning's and fatz part in it that is. anyways they warned us of their heavy makeup, but still, it came as quite of a erm, shock when we saw them. ning's eyebrows were too thick and fatz lips..too red. major makeup control anyone? nair should go for a makeup crash course or something, not that it will help..considering her deeply embedded im-the-best-makeup-artist-of-the-world thought. anyway, several highlights/event worth mentioning...ashwini suprisingly performed pretty well...2 thumbs up for her. even the makeup, which looked horrendous on most other people, looked pretty ok on her. charlotte was hilariously wonderful in her role as the bitchy towkay-neo, it seemed made for her.
was a rather unlucky day for us peeps. marie's hair (in her and only her opinion) was a disaster, we couldnt meet erin in time, wen forgot to bring along her ticket, we got stuck in traffic, we arrived late.
went for chomp chomp's after that. the saga continues. got off the bus too early...den one stop too late (not that it matters but..). then we had to take the wrong side of the bus, which brought us to j8 instead. after we managed to snag seats and get everyone settled and buying food..the rain came. so we had to run and run and run and thank god yeeleng's house was nearby. spent the remainder of our night at her cozy 'lil house. i so like her house..itz so big and cozy and warm looking. oh well.
i'll never ever get to see again the beauty of the sunset such of that in my dreams...
looking at shan's blog makes me realise i have NO pictures of the parade...hahah so if erm.. nyap hiang is reading this... can u give me some too? *pleading look*
i ought to revamp my miserable looking picture album, though i should actually be studying and i dont really have the mood for html now.
lost world is on tv now. the whole idea is kinda scary cause the concept is sorta plausible..especially with the rate of technological advances.
am waiting for jac to come online and send me the prose passage (yes..i lost it again)...zzZzz
until then...
xxx
Which [Movie Genres] are you?
Are you easily stressed?
haha thanks to shan..my regular dosage of quizes wont be missed =x
national day parade each year is...well boring. ok maybe i didnt watch much of the parade this year, but im sure it'll be about the same as last year, and last year...and every year before that. so there.
the house is finally quiet, and im not complaining. it wont be for long though...the family will be back on sunday. i should make best use of the peace and space while i still can eh? heh.
yesterday's school parade was the last we'll ever do for the school. it also marked the end of our red cross days. *sniff* ended well - none of the red cross cadets fainted or what not - though the irritating manu dragged the whole national day message for at least 10 mins. longest 10 mins of the year im sure. school's national day is as well... boring and lame. had to suffer through disgusting people wriggling it out throughout the show - twice. they were so hell absorbed in what they were doing im sure they didnt notice all the people dying of disgust around them.
went out with the girls to orchard after that. all of us decided to wear our new class tee's... we were quite a sight to look at. saw many other people, also in their class tee's. it was like orchard was exploding from sec 4 girls from amkss.
bought 2 whole chickens and some other food to my house for dinner. we crapped and joked and laughed and like jac says...we looked like a bunch of drunk illegal immigrants. laughed and ate so much that by the end of it all i felt like some kind of bloated balloon.
my house has never been so crowded..and noisy. i cant study. at all! there's no place at all for me to study. so now mom's cramped up in my room, leaving me with no choice but to study elsewhere. the temptation of the tv is too great, so that leaves out the living room... all the rooms are occupied so i cant go there, the allure of food is..argh!
I Want Love
Elton John/Robert Downey Jr.
I want love, but it's impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated
I can't love, shot full of holes
Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don't feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart
But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love
I want love on my own terms
After everything I've ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh man I've seen so much traffic
But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love
So bring it on, I've been bruised
Don't give me love that's clean and smooth
I'm ready for the rougher stuff
No sweet romance, I've had enough
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated
But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love
I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love
haven't been having the motivation to update my blog. still dont, just wanna make it seem like i do. oh well peeps can just listen to me talk about everything and nothing at all at the same time. that's just been what i've been feeling recently. empty thoughts flooding my head.
which reminds me of the dream i just had (dunno how i link the things i do).
so we(me erin, fatz) were in this cavish looking place, some sorta archeological site i guess. we supposedly gone there to see some kinda celebrities. celebrity rather - it was a female star? anyway, so we were at the entrance of this cave, and the star is(wearing green!) halfway in. she was doing some kinda promotion or tv variety show of some sort which required her to enter the cave. i guess everybody was apprehensive cause there's been rumors of the cave being a dangerous place running around. but being the brave artiste, she goes in, with her manager or someone(so not important). and us being the eager fans, went in too, danger or not. fatz was wearing her red sari, and erin was in her uniform.. accessories included. i being myself couldnt see what i was wearing..but nevermind. down the winding cave we went, first straight down, then right for some time, and ultimately left. strangely we saw no sign of the starlet. we kinda started chickening out just before reaching the end of the cave..ala the beginning of the "big room". nevertheless we went on. saw suhui in this greenish-blue ethnic costume of unidentifiable race moving out of the room. hurrying out of the room so we entered the doorway that lead to this room. turns out to be a pretty modern room i should remark. anyways it took the form of my primary school hall. only this time the end of the hall, instead of having the bars a normal hall should have, was another stage. there was a construction ladder at the end of the stage further from us, and there was a big white cloth covering it. something red is beneath the cloth, and we all assumed it to be worker tools. still no sign of little ms star. frankly by then none of us was concerned bout the star - we were more interested in the hall-like place. anyway erin suggested that we take a closer look at the stage, which we did. at that point i had this sinking feeling in my gut. there was this..."chink. chink. chink" sound that came from the stage area. we didnt pay much heed to the sound. at first anyway. so me and fatz went in front, erin trailing not far behind. then came the sound again...this time we were positively near that thing. so we saw the red thing materialise right before my eyes. mi and fatz turned, wanting to warn erin or something like that, but found she was already far behind us. so we started moving away from the ladder...too slowly for comfort. the "chink. chink. chink." sound came again, and what scared me the worst was that fatz wanted to turn back and see that thing. she somehow changed her clothes and was wearing her school uniform now. den i realised i was dreaming and forced myself awake.
u know the brief period of time between awaking and truly awake? when i awoke i was pretty much in that state and i remembered finding a reason why fatz wanted to turn back and see it again, to which i had thought it was because she wasn't wearing her specs. it wasnt until i stumbled out into the living room that i truly came awake.
ah well. here's my story for the week for you guys. how's that for a lucid nightmare?
so tired...head feels like its been up the clouds all day..all puffy and fluffy and gluey kinda feeling.
urgh
guess i'll just plop right down to bed...
