how did it come to this?
i have been feeling depressed lately. do not ask me why - i cannot find answers to the questions i have been seeking all my life, how is it possible for me to know why now? my mind works like the underground tunnels of paris; it is a maze, it is hidden from view from the whole world but a few who know paris intimately. even then, those who attempt to venture deep into the recesses of my mind, to try to conquer the free workings of my mind may never make it out alive, just like many whose bones still litter the catacombs.
depression to me is like a drug to addicts - i abhore the thought and feel of the black disease plaguing me, yet i am dependant and reliant on it. i cannot live without it. a day, a week, a month - i might be free from it - yet when the time comes i go back to it, i crave and i yearn for it, like an addict suffering from withdrawal symptoms. i run back into the dark bosem of my disease, it pains me but it is what i know and am familiar with. it is what i know and has come to settle at the back of me like a gnawing pain that never goes away.
when i am depressed i feel like i am living a life within a life. depression creates for me a shell and moulds it such that it fits me like a second skin. it lives my life as though nothing's changed. peel away my skin and you see the raw insides of me, eaten away at by my disease. i am but a wasted individual with a shell that grows heavier with each passing day. in the comforting confines of my own room, my own space, depression unleashes upon me its fangs, its venom stinging and poisoning me until i cannot see, until i cannot feel, until i am unable to do anything else.
you see, depression is my curse; it is my bane. yet i do not know a life living without it. i've grown ascustomed tp it, and even with knowledge of the pain and suffering i know it'll bring me, i welcome it with open arms.
