how did it come to this?
they say love is a many splendored thing. i say it hardly is. it makes you create unworldly expectations of another and amplifies your pain when said other fails to achieve them. it hurts you for some reasons remotely unrelated to you. it heightens your paranoia; makes you feel things that aren't there. its like a disease of the brain - it eats you up and you feel misery and there are not signs on your body that show it 'cause its all in your head.
nobody sees how you feel.
love soars. it brings you up to places you only read about in books. you can never really understand it - not from books or movies or other people - until u feel it. it is like a drug - albeit a hallucinogenic one for it makes you see things about the other person that really arent there. you imagine things that might not neccesarily be true about that person but you see it nonetheless because you want to see it. the world seems a brighter place when it really is not.
but when the euphoria of love wears away - like a drug invariably does - you come crashing down back to earth. the higher you float up to, the greater your fall. like the cracks in Paradise in kubla khan you begin to see the cracks in the supposed perfection. you see mortal failings - inherrent in everybody - that u had convinced yourself the apple of your eye had managed to escape.
nobody can ever be perfect.
the revelation deals a deadly blow to you and you wonder - when curled up in the corner of your room feeling nothing but melancholy and heartache - if all this is ever worth it. is is ever worth it to deal out your feelings, only to have them dealt back in multitudes of pain, sorrow, tears and anger? love is like a game of cards. you deal them, and u either win or lose. losers lose, winners take all. gambling always ensues a loss. when you think u are on a winning streak and feeling so high like you can never fall or come down again, you inevitably lose.
the one steadfast rule of gambling is that the player ultimately loses - if u play long enough.
which is why commitment is a bitch. commitment is a bitch that bites you right back in the ass even when u feed it or nuture it, give it a nice little kennel to live in and call it fondly by cuteass names like pigsy or cookie which it probably never responds to unless it was feeling hungry.
even with all the setbacks we humans are an undeterred species. we go back time and again to the suffocating confines of love, getting hooked on the temporary feeling of pure happiness, hoping that one day things will all work out. we try so hard to get to the other side of the fence - the good side where everybody wears white and complete each other's sentences. the side where everything fits and everybody agrees with one another. we scrape our knees and fall one too many times. we bleed.
and still we go on.
love is, and will always be, one of the cruel ironies of life.
